It’s such a weird feeling going to bed early and then waking up the next morning and actually functioning like a regular person. As in, not being hazy or hungover. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced the grog, but I haven’t forgotten what it’s like. Clarity is a nice feeling to wake up to.

That being said, I’ve also been feeling really fat lately. Chunky. The usual. Much to my surprise, however, I weighed myself this morning and I clocked in at 175 pounds! I’m sorry, what? How! It’s a miracle! I don’t understand my body. Was I just swollen this whole time? Is that a thing?

Today was my 24th consecutive gym day. Yes, I am still counting. I’m damn proud of myself and, apparently, it’s all paying off. The gym has really helped me stay focused, actually. Also, and this may be the gayest thing I’ve ever written, but, you know how I revert to a lot of disco music when I’m depressed? Well, “Y.M.C.A.” has been my anthem this month. “There’s no need to feel down.” Whatever. Let me live!

Practiced for my interview with Hot Docs all morning and then visited their offices and did my thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be the prim and proper candidate companies search for, but I still think I did a good job with the interview. I hope the manager sees that I really want the role. My humor is what will hopefully set me apart. If it’s not this job, maybe the next one. If a company can see through my eccentricities, I know it’ll be the right fit. Until then, the search continues. I guess.

Hit the gym, walked home, had a large dinner, and watched The Nanny. I’m getting excited about New York City, but I’m still anxious about the MOMENTS stuff. Hellacious still hasn’t been answering my messages. I don’t think that’s a good sign. Fuck. I need this party to be perfect. I have backups if he bails, but I don’t want to implement Plan B.

Goodnight xo

P.S. – Logan just messaged me that he got us tickets to a cello/piano recital at Carnegie Hall during my visit. I’m even more excited now. But, I will say, I’m kind of nervous, too. I don’t want to think too far ahead – certainly not negatively – but I wonder if Logan is sleeping with other people? It’s a thought that’s been on my mind a lot lately. Not that he isn’t allowed or anything like that – I don’t think we’ve reached a point where that would be a topic of discussion – but I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with anyone else. And I guess it would just suck if he did. No pun intended.

Goodnight again xo