Logan and I got up early because we knew we wanted to have sex before his flight back to New York. And we did. And it was amazing. Logan didn’t come, though, which was kind of a bummer. We packed up, ate quickly, and showered together. I was with him right until security at Billy Bishop Airport and it was very bittersweet leaving him. Quite different from the Dylan situation last October, which is weird considering my strong feelings. But, I didn’t cry. Something about this just seems more – stable? I don’t know.

I went to the gym, got groceries afterwards, and ate at home. I was cleaning up and kind of had a breakdown over something so stupid as looking for a pair of shorts. I had Mom hounding me through calls and texts to catch up. Dad, too. I knew I was tired and emotional about Logan leaving even though I was trying my best not to think about it, so I took a nap.

Felt much better once I woke up and finally tackled the apartment cleaning. It hit me that Logan is gone and it really sucks. I think what pains me the most is that I can’t even move to New York City to be with him if I wanted to. We’re so close, yet so far. All I wanted to do tonight was watch The Little Mermaid. Stupid, I know. But, it’s that feeling of wanting what you can’t have and willing to do anything for it.

I ate dinner and watched TV, took a bath and relaxed. I have a busy three months ahead of me, which will help keep my mind occupied. The reality of the New Year is now setting in and I have to get my act together. I really hope I get that LightWorks job. I want to jumpstart my writing, take better care of my body, save money, party/drink less, and be the best Kurt I can be. And, of course, see Logan again. I know I will. I found a bus trip for $45! I would MegaBus for him. If that’s not love, I don’t know what the fuck is. I’m so grateful for the last five days. Thank you.

Goodnight xo

@yalittlenasty Instagram post from tonight.

I filmed the clips themselves a few months ago in my friend's bathroom.