Woke up extremely hungover, which was not at all surprising, considering I drank consistently for eight hours last night. Fortunately, I also woke up without any regrets.

Lately, I’ve actually been feeling happier. I think it’s because I’m staying true to what I said on my birthday – I’m doing what I want, and I’m not apologizing for it. It’s also summer now. I want to have some fucking fun. I feel as though January to June was such a write-off on so many levels. Romantically, emotionally, mentally, physically. I’m digging myself out of the hole I was in, and it feels great.

I woke up to an iMessage from Mike, which was delivered around 4 a.m.

Mike: “Hey I’m safe. I stopped for food. You got me trashed.”

After rolling over in bed around 10 a.m., I sent my response.

Kurt: “Sorry, I fell asleep! Glad you got home safe. Thanks again for being so generous last night, and for dinner as well.”

My message was pretty standard. The date might have been a little odd, but I wanted to make sure that Mike knew I was appreciative. Truth be told, guys don’t exactly whip out their credit card for me too often. Actually, they never do.

Eventually, I got another message back. And by “eventually,” I mean eight hours later.

Mike: “I had fun :)”

That was the last message I received from Mike. We haven’t spoken since. Maybe Mike wasn’t into it, either? Oh, well. That makes things easier for me. On to the next one – or three.

While recovering from my hangover in bed, I began messaging Dan, Connor, and Evan in our group chat. Or, as we like to call ourselves – The 4 Single Girls. They wanted an update on my date, but I was too hungover to type them out a full fucking novel. We ended up having a conference call, and I gave them the rundown.

Last night was so weird. It was as though Mike’s personalities weren’t matching up. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened to me, though. In fact, it’s one of the biggest downfalls of online dating. Grindr Mike couldn’t have been more different than IRL Mike.

Why would Mike send me an excessive amount of nude photos through Grindr, but not want to make out with me when he had the chance? How dare he. I straddled him! That, plus the fact that Mike was a country mouse gay from Northern Ontario – it just wasn’t going to work out. But, hey. A boy’s gotta eat, and my chicken and waffles meal last night was great. Except for the bone in the chicken. Chicken with bones in it is the reason I have trust issues. It’s like when grapes have seeds in them – it’s just not natural.

Anyway. Moving on.

I felt the need to clean. After vacuuming the Witch Cave, I packed up a suitcase full of dirty clothes and bedding to wash at Casa Z tonight, and then Mom picked me up a few hours later. I was still hungover to hell and back, but I had promised Kate that I would drop by her house with the other bridesmaids today and help prepare for her bridal shower, which is happening tomorrow.

After making Mom stop at Harvey’s so I could grab a burger and some pickles, I arrived at Kate’s house. Apart from Kate’s mom and two sisters, I was the only fucking one there! All of the other bridesmaids had bailed on her. God, I am such a good friend. At the end of the day, I really didn’t need to be at Kate’s. What I helped with wasn’t much, and took less than an hour. The rest of the time, I drank the bottle of wine Kate had opened and told her and the sisters about last night’s date. I also spent a lot of time talking to boys on Tinder and Grindr. I think I’ve caught a few good ones for this coming week. We’ll see how this plays out.

A few hours later, Mom picked me up at Kate’s and we drove to Casa Z. Once home, I immediately sparked up my pipe, and then ate my dinner with Mom as we watched Zootopia together. I fucking love that movie! I completely over-ate, though.

Now, as I’m writing this before bed, I feel absolutely horrible. My stomach is about to explode. I feel gross again. Why do I do this to myself? It happens every single time I smoke weed. I don’t know why I keep thinking I can beat this. It’s almost as though I want to prove that I can be cool, and overcome these behavioral issues that arise whenever I get high. But, I can’t. I’m not strong enough. Not to mention, my weight gain issue is becoming a bigger problem every day – literally.

I’m in bed, about to pass out. High as hell, and looking 47 weeks pregnant.

Goodnight xo