And so begins my week from hell.

Well, maybe not from hell. In fact, being this busy is actually a really good thing. Perhaps we should call it the week of insanity? There’s so much going on right now that my mind is continually racing – for better or for worse.

A while ago, Mom put me in touch with a friend of hers who is a recruiter for various companies across Toronto. Actually, I shouldn’t say friend. More like an acquaintance, I guess. I think they met at a Toronto Raptors basketball game. Oy. Anyway, her name is Anika. After a series of emails over the past couple of weeks, we finally managed to schedule a coffee date to talk about potential work opportunities. That meeting happened this very early this morning, in the bowels of the PATH.

My meeting with Anika was alright. I didn’t feel like it was anything extraordinary, to be honest. We talked about my interests, skills, and blah, blah, blah. Anika is going to put me in touch with some companies she thinks I would be a good fit at. That’s amazing, right? Right. I just hope it actually materializes into something. Because, you know, sometimes it doesn’t. Most times it doesn’t.

After chatting with Anika, I walked to the gym and blew off some steam on the treadmill. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, which is a common emotion these days, running is such an incredible stress relief for me. I always follow up my session in the gym with my own form of meditation in the sauna. That didn’t work out so well today. Lying on the wooden bench, I found myself restless and anxious, unable to relax because I could only think about all of the work I have to do this week. But, it’s okay. It will all get done. Positivity!

Back at the Witch Cave after the gym, I showered, changed, ate, and then schlepped over to King Street West for the first day of my DigiPrint gig at Toronto Fashion Week. Overall, I’d say it went really well. It also went by really fast. My job with DigiPrint is essentially operating the design software and 3D printers for an interactive pop-up. Toronto Fashion Week attendees come up to the DigiPrint booth, design a keychain, and we 3D print it for them on the spot. Cute.

The whole experience of being inside the Toronto Fashion Week tent is quite nerve wracking, though. Not because of the job itself, but because of the people attending the events. Everyone is so skinny. And beautiful. And well-dressed. And how is their skin so clear? It makes me want to starve myself for 900 days, right after I get my entire face resurfaced.

All of that being said, I find it hilarious that a modeling agent scouted me while I was working today. I laughed in her face before I realized she was serious, and then took her card. We’ll see what happens. I don’t think I’ll be contacting her. I’m not sure I want to venture down the modeling road again, knowing that I’ll never be thin enough to succeed. The amount of rejection I have experienced in the past two and a half months has already sent me flying off the deep end. I don’t know how much more of it I would be able to take.

The reality of Logan having completely disappeared from my life continues to sink in. I often find myself weaving in and out of a haze of disbelief. It’s ironic, though. When I give relationship advice to my friends, I often think it’s pretty damn good. The advice is always the same, too. I start off with sympathy and empathy for what they’re going through, but then make sure to note, “You deserve better than this guy who’s screwing you over. There is someone out there who will appreciate everything that you do for them.”

Why can’t I take my own advice? Why am I so hung up on someone who doesn’t care about me or my feelings? A guy who knows I am having a rough time right now, but continues to actively avoid any and all communication with me? And why is this not the first time this has happened to me in a relationship? So many questions, so little time. And so few Panic Pills left! Well, not really. I haven’t been taking my Xanax as often these days. However, when I do need my meds, they certainly help.

After my DigiPrint shift, I went back to the Witch Cave, got off, and went to bed. I put my weed out of reach on the tippy top shelf of my kitchen. I want it to stay there all week. Maybe even until after MOMENTS. I need to be 110% in the zone to accomplish all of this week’s work.

Bryan texted me tonight. He said that while he was at the Gladstone Hotel for a RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing party this evening, the drag queens were promoting MOMENTS throughout the night. He also mentioned that my posters were plastered all over the hotel. Amazing!

Goodnight xo