I think that I’m beginning to sync up with Tabitha’s sleeping patterns. Much like that little kitty, my body clock now has me waking up very early every morning and refusing to let me return to sleep, only to demand a number of small naps throughout the day.

I stayed in bed for a decent amount of time this morning, trolling around on the internet for longer than I’d care to admit. Later, I had my breakfast, did a bit of writing, and then the doorbell rang.

Given my recent boredom as I recover from this surgery, I’ve been online shopping a lot more. Mostly browsing, but I placed an order with Zara and it arrived this afternoon. I bought my first Speedo. Considering I haven’t exercised in over a week, and have been eating my weight in chocolate covered almonds and popsicles every day, I didn’t look half bad in the tiny black swimsuit. Nonetheless, I have a feeling it’s going to be a very slow debut. I won’t be parading around in my banana hammock any time soon. It’s cute, though.

After giving Tabitha a fashion show, it was time for a nap. We both passed out on my bed. Two hours later, I woke up to The Warden, prodding me to get out of bed and going on and on about how sunny it was outside.

I ended up calling The Store today. Considering the reason(s) I placed the call, my conversation with Alicia was surprisingly short. The subject matter?

“I’m not going to be able to work for another five weeks. Oh, yeah. And I got another job.”

Alicia was great about everything. Her reaction was miles better than I had expected. The two of us both agreed that we will simply be honest with one another about the realities of what we can work out. Alicia can’t keep me on her roster as I am right now with zero availability, and she was up front about that. However, Alicia is also going to see if she can transfer me to another position that would only require four shifts a year. If that meant I could keep my employee discount, I would 100% be down for a role switcheroo. We’ll see what happens. Either way, I was pleased with what I had assumed would be a very awkward phone call.

After approximately 600 trips to and from the fridge and pantry, I had eaten way too much food and been far too lazy watching CNN’s The Sixties documentaries. I decided that it was time to hit the gym. I only did floor exercises, and they were very tough. The sit-ups somehow affected the tendons in my foot, which caused it to throb, but I worked my way around the pain and felt fairly accomplished. 1,400 sit-ups, weight lifting, and a variety of stretches did me some good. I also took my first shower in over a week, and shed my snakeskin. I am feeling pretty damn fresh right now.

I spent most of my evening watching more of CNN’s The Sixties series, despite the fact that I really should have been working on my writing. I watched a lot of the documentaries today, but the Feminism episode and the ones covering various social movements throughout the decade really touched me more than others.

Sure. The Moon landing was fucking awesome. It’s insane that someone when into Space and explored the goddamn Moon. I don’t think people realize how amazing that is. However, seeing people so disgruntled with the way they were being unjustly treated – African Americans, women, gays, workers, anti-war activists, etc. – and standing up so strongly for what they believed in was much more inspiring. Change can happen. I know it can. It just feels as though our society has become so fucking lazy these days. As if hashtagging an issue on Instagram is going to solve the problem.

I want to find something that I am passionate about – something that I truly believe is an injustice in the world – and I want to fucking fight for it. CNN only scraped the surface of the Gay Rights movement, as it really only came to full light during the last half of 1969, but obviously that struck a real chord with me. To the point where it was almost unfathomable to think about what those gay men and women went through. To be told you have a mental illness? To be subjected to shock therapy? It’s disgusting. The world is disgusting. We are so backwards in so many ways. But, at least there is the hope that things can change if there are people willing to make it happen. I want to help. In my own way. I just need to get my fat fucking ass out of bed, figure out what that “way” is and, “Goddamn it, go out and do it!” (*Drunk Liz Taylor voice*).

Phillip came up to Casa Z tonight. We talked for a while, and Lauryn and I were texting shortly before bed. Other than that, today was fairly uneventful. I’m still feeling very sluggish and slightly unmotivated, but I’m getting better. I’m not as sad as I was earlier this week. “As” sad. I’m still sad. My personal raincloud is still hovering overhead. However, I’m beginning to feel it breaking up a bit.

It’s weird. I had told myself that I really wanted things to happen for me before my birthday. Even though this year hasn’t exactly worked out as I had anticipated, I now have a job and will be phasing out my shifts at The Store as I had wanted. Why am I not excited? Perhaps my constant quest for betterment is distracting me from the now. I should be really happy about these recent changes in my life. Yet, as usual, I’m finding something to lessen my excitement. I haven’t told anyone about The Clubhouse job, except for Lauryn. She was ecstatic about the news, while the only thing I could offer up was a melancholic, “Yeah, it’s cool. I guess.” As if a big boy job isn’t something that I’ve been actively searching for on a daily basis over the past five months. Maybe things will feel more real once they set in. I also just broke two Xanax in half, and guzzled them down. The dullness of this entry could most definitely be a result of my medication.

Nevertheless, things are looking up! Paying rent at the Witch Cave won’t be an issue anymore. I’ll be downtown. I’ll be working for a cool organization, and I’ll be bettering myself and my resume. There are definitely positives to be counted. I just wish I felt a bit more excited about them.

Goodnight xo