Do you think that animals have healing powers?

I don’t mean in some weird, spiritual, hippy dippy crystal bullshit kind of way. I’m talking about animals as a form of therapy. It’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. Despite the constant attempts at escaping my grasp, Tabitha made me feel better multiple times today. I love that kitty so much.

Is that why people get dogs? I’m not a fan, but I suppose I could see how a dog might provide companionship. My friend Lia has always said that she was extremely depressed before she got her Chihuahua, Angel. Lia swears that little rat turned her life around. I could definitely see that being true for a lot of people who suffer from mental health issues. A pet – dog, or otherwise – is someone to come home to. Someone who depends on you. And, whether it’s reward-based or not, someone who loves you. But, animals die. So, there’s that. Damn. Always a catch.

I woke up around 4:30 a.m. this morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep for about two hours. I’m assuming it had something to do with my new anti-depressant medication. The best way to describe how I felt is what happens when I take cough syrup. I clench my jaw a lot. I feel very alert. I feel absolutely exhausted, but know I shouldn’t. The next step in testing the effects of my medication will be to try masturbating. I definitely can’t do that when I’m on cough syrup. We’ll find out after I finish writing this entry.

I finally fell asleep, and then got right back up for work. I had only been at The Store for about five minutes, and Alicia told me she needed me to stay until 5:30 p.m. I braced myself for a very long day of retail hell.

People in the mall have been so weird lately. Last night, a mother came into The Store with her kid. Out of nowhere, this woman proceeded to spend ten minutes explaining to Alicia and I that her “extremely intelligent” six-year-old daughter now has PTSD and has to go to therapy after watching Zootopia. Apparently, the girl can’t sleep at night because she’s afraid her cat is going to “turn savage.”

What? Why are you telling us this this? Also, seriously? Buck up, girl. When I was a kid, I watched a sea witch get sish-kabobed by a pirate ship. I saw an old hag get struck by lightning and fall off a cliff, and witnessed a lion get trampled to death by a stampede of wildebeest. I turned out fine! Well, sort of.

Another parent came into The Store today. A father. This encounter was actually quite sad, though. There’s a huge wildfire happening right now in Alberta, which is where the customer was originally from. This man’s sister is still there, and her family lost everything in the fire. Apparently, when she called her brother, all she had to her name were the three water bottles in her purse. It was so heartbreaking to hear.

Anyway, this man came into The Store so he could buy a bunch of stuff and send it to his relatives in Alberta. Alicia and I helped him pick stuff out for almost an hour. I never thought I would see the day, but I guess Alicia has loosened up her managerial reign a bit. I suggested we give the man a discount on his purchase, and Alicia allowed it. I used my employee discount and gave him 35% off everything. If I could have given him more, I would have.

The whole experience with the Alberta guest really put things into perspective. Everything his family had is now gone. Everything. The fire took it all. I guess you wouldn’t even have time to take anything with you in a situation like that. What would I take? I would take as many physical photos as I could. I’d take my laptop, but only because of the amount of personal memories saved on it. I don’t care about the computer itself. I’d also take my journals. That’s probably about it. The whole thing is hard to imagine.

With work being extended so late, it sort of messed up my evening. I had plans to visit the annual OCAD Graduate Exhibition with Kate, Riley, Bella, and Veronica, but I ended up bailing. It was really disappointing, but I needed to exercise. I also didn’t want to be around alcohol. In the end, I think it was for the best. Still, that’s a crew I don’t want to miss out on. I love those girls so much. They bring more positivity into my life than any other friend group I have. I know that I need to make a better effort with them. Veronica and Riley are such good people. And Kate is – well, she’s my Kate.

On the medication front, I don’t know if I’ve experienced any real changes. Aside from those cough syrupy feelings, of course. I don’t want to fall into a psychological mindset where I think that things are changing, but they really aren’t. Truth be told, I’ve been second guessing my decision to take the pills in the first place. I don’t want to be on them. I never wanted my mental health to reach this point. But, I think I need to give them a shot. I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it too much. Ha.

My stomach has been really messed up over the last two days with that intestinal pain I sometimes get. It was really bad today, actually. After finishing at The Store, I came home to Casa Z and took a short nap. Later, I exercised for a long time in the basement and listened to Janet Jackson’s The Velvet Rope album on my run. Fortunately, my stomach felt better after my workout routine.

I believe music has healing qualities, too. The Velvet Rope is so incredible. I think that music can provide you with the words you want to say when you can’t find them on your own. That’s exactly what The Velvet Rope does for me. Anger, sadness, happiness, peace, self-worth – it’s all there.

I’m feeling a bit better now. I hope that things continue to improve.

Goodnight xo

P.S. – I came.