Let’s play a game. How do you think I am going to start off this journal entry? If you guessed, “With a comment about work” – you are correct!

Work was ridiculous. I ruffled Big Bird’s feathers today with another rebuttal – this time, as to why she works as a middle woman for Emma and Lawrence. Big Bird was offended. Don’t care! Moving on!

While upstairs for my usual lunch with Emma, my extended half hour break turned into a huge shit-talking fest with her and Lucy. In fact, it got to the point where I felt like I was crossing a line. I’m ready to quit. Well, obviously. It’s going to be a complete shit-show, but it needs to happen. And it will!

Tonight’s Membership Committee meeting was moved two weeks ahead. With my evening now free, I went to the gym instead of joining Connor and Lia for dinner before our Moana movie date. They thought I was at work the whole time. I always find it so pathetic that I have to lie about things like going to the gym or not drinking. Why is it so shameful to live a healthier, more active lifestyle? Okay. Maybe that’s an exaggeration of my lifestyle. You get the point.

As I was getting ready to leave the locker room, there was a guy waiting by the sink. Fully clothed, and with a thick French accent, the guy stopped me before I reached the door.

“I’m visiting Toronto for the week,” he said. “Do you know where I can find a gay disco?”

I don’t know how to explain the recent influx of foreigners at the gym, but this French guy was lucky he found me. If he had asked any other male in the building, those hockey puck breeders would’ve had no clue what a “gay disco” even was. I used the French guy’s phone to write down directions to the Village, along with a daily list of suitable gay bars and parties. Have fun!

Since I was ahead of schedule for Moana, I went back to the Witch Cave and blazed. Whoopsies. I ended up getting so high that I spent the rest of my night in a thick cloud. Today at work, I watched a short video about a man who was very pro-marijuana. He was saying that weed is so great, because it makes you do absolutely nothing – except for rest. The man went on to add that if more people simply rested, the world would be a happier place. I can’t say that I disagree!

On the way to the theater, I stopped by the grocery store for some candy. Apparently, I also stopped by for a very intense, yet short-lived panic attack. I was listening to Mariah Carey’s The Emancipation of Mimi album on my walk. When I entered the grocery store and took out my earbuds, I came to the jarring realization of just how stoned I really was. I’m not kidding. At one point, I was so fucking wound up that I had no idea where I was. After a few deep breaths, I got myself together, bought my candy, and ran the hell out of that fluorescent-lit nightmare.

My next stop was the Cineplex at Yonge and Dundas. I swiftly found the crew – Connor, Lia, and their friend Hillary – inside Jack Astor’s, sitting in the middle of a packed bar. The experience of walking through that heterosexual mob while stoned to hell and wearing my monstrously large Alexander Wang parka was slightly jarring, to say the least. I also wasn’t hiding my high very well. By the time we had moved into the theater and were in line to buy popcorn, Lia turned to me with a puzzled look.

“You’re swaying,” she said. “How much weed did you smoke before you got here?”

I couldn’t hide it! I was very, very baked.

The group of kids sitting behind us in the theater were rowdy as fuck. This led to me hearing the most “shhhhh” sounds I’ve ever heard inside a theater. Connor was not going to let anyone ruin his Moana moment – especially not some Brazilian pipsqueaks.

Moana was alright. It wasn’t anything that really wowed me, though. I’d still watch The Little Mermaid over this seemingly constant stream of B-level Disney films. Give me Incredibles 2, please.

After the movie, I walked most of the way home with the crew. We parted ways at Connor’s street, and I continued to the Witch Cave alone. Once settled into my solitude, I ate some ice cream, washed up, smoked more weed before I masturbated, then crawled into bed.

Goodnight xo