Had to get the car off the street by 1 p.m., but still managed to have a full morning in bed. Logan tried fingering me again. The first time was the first or second day he was here. He told me to relax again. I am relaxed. I just hate fingering.
We slowed down and were lying with one another in bed and Logan brought it up. It turns out this entire time he thought I didn’t want to have sex because of the fingering thing. It makes sense. If you’re too tense for a finger, why would you want a dick in your ass? But, I just hate being fingered and I told him that. Meanwhile, I thought he didn’t want to have sex because of what happened at his place in New York City.
So, this whole time we both thought neither of us wanted to fuck. Oy! After lying there some more, we got riled up again and had sex. And it was really good. He still had some soft moments, but once I got on my back and was looking up at him pounding me it was great. And it made me happy that we waited because it made it even more special.
We showered off and got in the car. I drove us to The Beaches and we took pictures by the water. Logan loved it. Drove downtown, parked, and walked all of Queen Street West – every shop right until Grand Electric, which is where Logan bought us dinner.
“Once again, we’re the only people here,” he said to me as we sat there in the crowded restaurant, staring at one another.
How do you say so much without even speaking a word? It’s incredible.
We took the streetcar home, I cleaned up the apartment, and we took a nap. I literally thought I was on the verge of food poisoning at one point and was slightly panicking. I almost threw up, too. But, after a while, I calmed down, we watched some TV, and I made us a brownie dessert. Note to self: next time take it easy on the spicy tacos.
It was only about 10 p.m. when we stopped watching TV and we just relaxed on the couch with wine, talking until after 2 a.m. We talked about everything. He told me his version of the night we met, what he thought of me, I told him what I thought about that evening (read: remembered) and we laughed about our memories and impressions.
We got deeper, too, and talked about our future. I told Logan about Dylan – being slightly vague – and that I can recognize my feelings for him and our situation are different. The distance sucks, but it doesn’t deter me from wanting more. I teared up at one point when I talked about how he makes me feel about myself and how much he’s made a difference in my life. How I feel about myself and my self-worth and how he makes me want to be the best person I can be. He does. That’s the thing I think I like the most. The way he makes me feel.
I told Logan that he came into my life and made me feel so special – and he told me that again, “To never let anyone dull my shine” – but also that he gave me a boost at a time when I needed it the most. Let’s not forget, I met Logan about two weeks after things really blew up with RX.
There were so many moments throughout the day and evening when I just wanted to tell Logan that I loved him. I know it’s crazy. I haven’t even known him a month, but I feel it. I can’t tell him because I don’t want to scare him away, but I know this is more than just some fling. I opened up to him about a lot of different things and it would be impossible to remember everything, but even Logan mentioned after how the conversation was incredible – “Who else could I have a conversation like that with?”
We moved to the bed, holding one another as we fell asleep together.
Goodnight xo
Making our way to the water. The Beaches, Toronto
Trying not to fall. The Beaches, Toronto
Downtown skyline. The Beaches, Toronto
Shadows on the rocks. The Beaches, Toronto
Driving. The Gardiner, Toronto